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Wednesday
May132009

Top 5 Scariest Movie Characters Ever!

I have no idea why, but I slept with no jersey on last night. Now that is scary. I woke up this morning and gazed down towards my fat roll induced hairy chest and gut and I wanted to puke all over myself.

I think I have morning sickness, so I may be expecting. Either that or I am just disgusted by myself.

There is no better feeling than going to the movie and being scared out of your mind. They only thing that can take your mind off of crapping your pants is when you perform the popcorn bag trick on your significant other. No, keep eating, there is a special butter covered treat for you, way down at the bottom of the bag! Bingo!

Here are the 5 scariest characters in movies according to the Waltdog:

5) The Giant Tomato

I remember seeing the Attack of the Killer Tomatos. It was a cinema masterpiece. It was way before it’s time. It really scares me though. Walt loves ketchup. Walt puts it on everything. I put it on my shoes this morning. If the world was infused with killer tomatoes I would be among the first to succumb to getting rolled on by one of them.

 

4) Michael Myers

This dude has some serious, serious issues. He really needs to work them out. He is not the fastest guy, but he will eventually catch up to you. You will be so captivated by Mr. Myers that you will run over a rake, through a plate glass window and shoot yourself in the leg a few times. He has that charming capability, as you cripple yourself he is just strolling along and waiting around the corner for you. He may as well whistle as he walks.

 

3) Jaws

My parents were smart enough to take me to see Jaws while it was in the movies. I think I was like 3 years old. It changed my life forever, and not in a good way. I was afraid to sit on the toilet, thinking that Jaws would come up through the water and swallow me whole. It took like 9 years for me to get over this. I still hate going on the Atlantic Ocean. You can only see like two feet in front of your face. Jaws is out there people and he eats license plates for breakfast.

 

2) Monique

Just look at her picture. Enough said. The first time I saw her on the big screen, I screamed like a little school girl and threw my popcorn everywhere, then I promptly pooped and pissed my pants while sneezing simultaneously. To sum it up, I was never that scared in my whole life.

 

1) Satan

The Exorcist changed my life. After seeing this movie for the first time, I slept in my parent’s bedroom from 1986 to 1991. It was traumatizing.

 


 

 

 

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  • Response
    Yes, that does appear to be a KKK- esque Jedi standing between two lifeless Apollo astronauts under two rockets blasting off in the shadow of a giant disco ball– and I know your first thought: this is probably one of the best albums of the year so far– and you would ...
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    Also, join in the music madness and record your own best musical material to get featured on this page. Just tag your recorded shows MUSICMONDAY so everyone can find you!

Reader Comments (10)

WHERE IS FREDDIE? Actually that Monique bumps him out.

May 13, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSouja Boy

You forgot Jason and that darn hockey mask! OMG do I hate it when Halloween comes when you see some guy trying it on at the isle at the store.
Freaks me out every time!

May 13, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBlaze

walt, didn't you barely escape an attack from a mako shark? that would probably also contribute to your fear of sharks.

May 13, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterhandsomeb1derful

I actually carry shark mace with me, everywhere I go. I did encounter a mako shark once, when I was about 13 years old. It was not fun. That story is legendary. I will save that for another blog.

May 13, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterWalt

Where is Kathy bates on this list. The lady prevented me from going out in the snow.

May 13, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMovie Stud

This is really obscure, and not a movie, but what always terrified me and still haunts my nightmares is that little tiki taboo doll from the Friday Movie of the Week "Trilogy of Terror" starring Karen Black. The sharp teeth, knife, and evil pitter pat of his little feet is just horrifying.

As for the movies, I'll go with the "Know whudd I mean, Vern?" Ernest guy.

May 13, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterChris

OMG, I remember that tiki doll! I watched that movie with my grandmom and was wary of little weapon wielding statues for a long time afterwards. I had no idea what that movie was called, now I must find it. My personal pick is that evil clown from poltergeist. 25 years later I still hate clowns. poltergeist clown

May 13, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBlade

Yo Blade - I can't wait to recreate that poltergeist scene one day and watch you poop your pants.

May 13, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterShama Lama

The little boy from Pet Semetary freakin scares the shit out of me (not Chucky...he was stupid). When he slices Herman Munsters achillies from under the bed it just killed me. I wore boots while walking around my bed for like 6 years. I do have to agree with Blade on the clown from Poltergeist also, I have never looked at clowns the same since I saw that scene.

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDave Cup

Where is freddie and the pinhead from hell raiser, however the tomatoe pull my head back from the monitor!

May 14, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterthreio

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