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Monday
Feb082010

How Much Are the Kardashians Worth?

This question keeps popping up and it is such a hot topic.  What is Kim Kardashian worth?  What is Khloe Kardashian worth?  We at Waltsense could not ignore this topic any longer. 

Unless you have insider knowledge, you will never know.  That is where Waltsense comes in. 

Not only do we access to the inner circles of Hollywood (we practically run that freaking town) but we at Waltsense are smart enough to calculate and formulate rich people’s net worth.  It is what we do.

You see, what I do at work is interview people for a living.  I deal with process transformation, business improvements, process improvements (towards quality close and quality financial reporting models) not that you care about that; because, in reality, Walt doesn’t even care about that. 

The one thing I can leverage out this is the experience of knowing what questions to ask and, more importantly, how and when to ask them.

You need to press people to get the information they are holding out on telling you.  You have to shine the proverbial light on them, to make them sweat it out. 

That is how we were capable of finding out how much these two are really worth. 

Before I get started on detailing our complex financial calculation:

During the pregame of the Superbowl last night I noticed Kim and Khloe doing a Quick Trim commercial; both of them prancing around half naked talking to the normal folks out there about getting their bodies into shape so their bodies look the way each and every person out their wants their body to look (i.e. not filled with the fat-rolls that Walt is prominently showing off today through his tight-ass sweater).

Getting body advice from Kim Kardashian is priceless; it is kind of like getting ‘How to get married’ advice from Jennifer Aniston. 

Is any part of Kim’s body actually real?  She has fake boobs and most likely has had work done on her face.

That always cracks me. 

Not only that; these two have not had to work an honest days’ work in their entire lives.  They have 20 hours a day to work out and keep in shape. 

The normal person gets home after 10 hours of work and then their actual ‘workday’ begins:

The average working parents have to deal with their kids screaming and fighting with one another, they have to worry about the kids studying or failing in school.  They have to get dinner on the table, they have to do wash, clean up the house, hang shit on the walls, fix the holes in the wall from hanging the shit wrong, go out and buy a level because your second, third and forth attempt at hanging the shit hasn’t work and you are running out of dry wall plaster to fill all of the holes you made.  Parents have to do the dishes, pack the kids for school, listen to their significant others talk, blah, blah, blah. 

These Kardashians haven’t had to deal with this for one iota of a second yet.    

Of course most of America has let themselves go!  Who the shit has the time to work the fuck out? 

Seriously, I wish I had an extra hour or two in the day to add a good workout in (not that I would work out but at least I would have two extra hours to think about it.)

So every average Jane and Joe gets the kids to bed, as their exhausted bodies are finally ready to shut down for the day.  They make it to the couch or to bed and watch a little television before getting some shut eye.  What do they see?  Two silver spoon feed genetically enhanced girls talking about how the average Jane or Joe can get their fat asses in shape. 

Now that is a slap to the freaking face. 

That is enough about that; it is time to talk about the real question.  It is time to talk about what people really want to know.  How much are these two really worth? 

Was Khloe attempting gold-digging when marrying Lamar Odom?

(The answer to the last question is no.  She is definitely loaded herself.  The one thing I can say about these two girls is they know how to market themselves.) 

I can’t say that either of them has any true talent (other than being good looking chicks).

We at Waltsense came up with a complex financial analysis that dealt with calculating the Gross Domestic Product divided by the Dow Jones Industrial Average multiplied by the outcome of the Black Scholes Theory:

Here are the assumptions we had to make (the equities involved in the calculation are Kim and Khloe, respectively):

The Black–Scholes model of the market for a particular equity makes the following explicit assumptions:

  • It is possible to borrow and lend cash at a known constant risk-free interest rate.
  • The price follows a Geometric Brownian motion with constant drift and volatility.
  • There are no transaction costs.
  • The stock does not pay a dividend (see below for extensions to handle dividend payments).
  • All securities are perfectly divisible (i.e. it is possible to buy any fraction of a share).
  • There are no restrictions on short selling.
  • There is no arbitrage opportunity

On top of that we needed access to the inner-circle of Hollywood to gain access to certain financials. 

After months of calculating we came up with the answer.

What are the Kardashians worth?  They are worth at least eleventy-nine dollars.  That is rounded up and, I think, may or may not be converted into euros. 

So there you have it – eleventy-nine dollars.  That is a lot of coin.

Thanks for reading people! 

Tomorrow we may tackle where Amelia Earhart is.  I have a feeling she wound up in Camden, NJ.  I saw some old chick with a leather pilot’s cap pushing a shopping cart full aluminum cans the other day.  I think it was her.  We are always working to solve shit here at Waltsense.  Our job is never done.    


 

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Reader Comments (4)

Could someone give me the quick and dirty on who these girls even are? I see their names all over but I don't completely understand what spawned the attention they are granted, other than gibundus stripper knockers.

Sorry. I don't watch TV.

February 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterShieldmaiden1196

You DON"T mess with Bruce Jenner - he will knock your ass out Walt . I watched a marathon of this show on saturday and I think her cans may be real.

February 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterShama Lama

There is not a chance of her cans being real. No way. They are 100% fake. I was thinking of getting them, so I know how to tell. I was actually going to get them implanted on my shoulders to make it look like I was wearing shoulder pads all of the time. That would be awesome.

February 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterWaltdog

I thought they were real too.

February 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMongo

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